Just over two years ago I read ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ for the first time. I fell in love with the book almost instantaneously. I was in a bad place and the book reminded me that everyone is dealing with their own battles and if life is not good at that very moment it will be soon enough.

A couple of days ago I was feeling overwhelmed. I was thinking about the things I wanted to do, whether I was ever going to get a chance to do them and if I really wanted to do those things. I just needed to stop thinking for a while and to escape to a different place. So, I picked up ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ and it almost felt as though it wasn’t the same book I read a couple of years ago.

The story is about Charlie who just started high school. We get to see the challenges that he faces and how he deals with them. The book is a series of letters that Charlie writes to a stranger. I don’t really want to focus on the story but rather what I took from it.

I feel as though Charlie and I are similar in many ways. At first Charlie didn’t really ‘participate’ in many things and I feel like that I am at that point of my life where I am not really doing anything and it sucks because there is so much that I want to do. The book reminded me that if there’s anything you want to do you just have to go out and do it. So, I’m going to try and ‘participate’ and really be there.

Something else that I learnt from the book was that the past does play a role in our future whether we like it or not. It’s up to you to decide what kind of role it plays. This really made me think a lot and I am still trying to figure out a lot of things but I really do hope that things work out in the end.

I don’t think I will ever be able to accurately describe my love for this book. Maybe I’ll read it again in a couple of years and discover something new. I don’t really know. So, I’ll just end this post with a quote from the book which I find rather interesting: “So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still chose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can still try to feel okay about them.”

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I’m scared. I feel like I am at a point in my life where I have to make so many important decisions and it’s quite frightening. People are constantly asking me what I want to do with my life but I don’t even have an answer. Whenever I start to thinking about the future I begin to wonder about how it will turn out. What if doesn’t go the way I imagine it? It probably not going to go the way I planned. I am not sure if I should be scared or excited. I think I am feeling both.

I am just starting to discover who I am and now I have to make decisions that will impact the rest of my life. I won’t be able to start over. I am stressing, a lot. My mom tells me to calm down. I am just eighteen after all. I feel like I am running out of time. I still like cartoons and dolls. Are you even allowed to like those things when you are an adult?

What are the rules of being an adult? I’m in my final year of high school and I feel like I haven’t learnt a single thing except that mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. It’s just frustrating because how on earth is that going to help me in life?

I just feel like I only just discovered a lot about myself which makes me wonder how much more there is I am yet to discover. I just want to try everything but does that mean that I don’t love anything enough to focus on one thing or does it just mean I like a lot of things?

I really do wish it were easier. I wish I could just wake up one morning with everything all figured out but I doubt that’s going to happen. There aren’t any rules of being an adult so I’ll just have to create my own. Yes, I am still scared but I think it’s time I actually start doing something. I like a lot of things and maybe I can be a jack of all traits and a master of all. I don’t know how things will turn out in the future, nobody does but I’ll be happy knowing that I went for the things that made me happy and not what everyone else expected me to go for. I still have a lot to figure out and some decisions to make. It is very frightening but I am excited and I think I’m ready. There is truly something beautiful about being lost. You tend to discover the most wonderful things.

Thoughts on turning 18:

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